A couple of thoughts from an upcoming message:

The impulse of every generation is to change things to make them more dynamic. 

Passion drives so much of how we think and how we act.  Passion also leads to some strong opinions and unfortunately, strong opinions can sometimes be unhealthy.  That can make for some big time “drama” in your youth group.  If you’ve been in ministry even a short time, you’ve experienced conflict between adults, students and yes even, between an adult and a student.   As a youth pastor, I was often overwhelmed by how quickly drama would spill over into conversations, attitudes and actions.  People had their feelings deeply hurt, deep wounds were administered, someone lost an arm or leg and people often came up missing.  Don’t get me wrong, we all have our stuff.  Most of us do an unsatisfactory job managing our emotions.  It seems that hardly anyone is good at managing those feelings when the situation gets hot these days.  Then, boom!  Two guys that were once best friends are bitter enemies.  And the rest of your youth group is subject to being held captive by the looming aftershock.

As a spiritual leader, you have a responsibility to speak truth into the lives of others – Biblical truth.  The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:  that the man of God may be perfect thoroughly furnished unto all good works.”  Putting on a referee’s uniform and throwing yourself in the middle of two teenagers’ drama can be a big task.  Those two young ladies who seem to be a really good at lobbing bombs at each other need a knowledgeable mediator.   Someone who will love them with God’s love.  Your opinion or even some obscure (mis-applied) quote that you saw printed on a sign hanging on the wall at Cracker Barrel will not be a strong enough anecdote for these matters of the heart.   That’s what drama is all about – matters of the heart.  Although good advice might be worth repeating, The Word of God carries with it the promise that it will not return void (see Isaiah 55:11).

 Here are 8 things to consider as a leader navigating through drama in your youth group:

1. We do what we do because we want what we want.
2. You cannot talk yourself out of something that you have behaved yourself into.
3. Most of us could offer more than what we are currently doing in a given relationship.
4. I control how I react to another person’s actions or words.
5. We choose to sin.
6. You cannot read someone’s mind or heart.
7. Our natural tendency is to push back against authority.
8. If you grade your own paper – you usually get an “A.”

Moving forward, bathe the circumstances and the players in the drama in prayer.  Take them to Biblical principles as many times as necessary.  As the leader, don’t let them try to juke you or the situation.  You’ll know that the situation is better when they are known more for their display of repentance than for their sinful behavior.  (For a great little book that helps you see the enemies of our heart, check this out!)

I would HIGHLY recommend Enemies of The Heart by Andy Stanley.

I picked up a copy just before Christmas hoping that it would do two things:  1) be a refreshing look at some of the reasons I do what I do and, 2) being just a couple hundred pages, be a quick read that I could put in the hands of some people that have asked me for advice.  (There are also several people that the Lord has crossed my path with lately that he could use to help them grow.)

Turns out, my two wishes came true.  Andy’s breakdown of the four enemies of our heart is dead on: 

Guilt:  I owe You

Anger:  You owe Me

Greed:  I owe Me

Jealousy:  God owes Me

Someone once said, “The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.”  No truer words have been spoken.  On a deeply personal level, I was challenged to address some poor thoughts and some behavior that just is not pleasing to God.  For those moments alone, this book was worth the money and my time.

There was, however, a second thing I was hoping for:  that this could be a starting point for the counseling and advice giving conversations that I seem to have with others.  Being in full-time ministry as a missionary serving the local church, I spend a few hours each week having intimate conversations with ministry leaders.  Most of the time, these are discussions about the heart!  Someone’s heart has been hurt, is about to be, or needs to change.  It is truly a very interesting dynamic of our ministry.  While I’m aware that no single conversation or a whole library of books can be an easy solution to heart matters, Enemies of The Heart is a book that I will carefully put in some hands in the future.  This book tears off the lid of the underlying problems that many are facing.  Andy Stanley doesn’t just leave it at that though – He helps the reader walk through steps to making godly changes in each of the four areas. Undoubtedly, this helps them navigate through various circumstances, relationships and problem areas.

If you are in ministry of any capacity I highly recommend this book.  Also, as a parent or grandparent I believe you’ll find it very helpful and  if you are someone that has previously believed on Christ as your Savior but find yourself struggling in your walk – this book could be a big help to you!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Your current situation is a matter of perspective.

Take a few steps and then look at the situation again:

“Just follow your heart, that’s what I always do.”

That sounds good - but actually, that’s not good advice.  In Jeremiah chapter 9, the Lord is describing to the prophet why he will justly bring judgment upon the people.  In verses 13 and 14, God says,

“Because they have forsaken my law (His words) that I set before them, and have not obeyed my voice or walked in accord with it, but have stubbornly followed their own hearts and have gone after the Baals (false gods), as their fathers taught them.  Therefore thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel: Behold, I will feed this people with bitter food, and give them poisonous water to drink.  I will scatter them among the nations whom neither they nor their fathers have known, and I will send the sword after them, until I have consumed them.” (Jeremiah 9:13-14 - Italics are mine)

The truth is, we all need absolute truth – not the fickle feelings of our hearts.  Like the Psalmist wrote:

¹ Blessed is the man
   who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
   nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
² but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
   and on his law he meditates day and night.

 ³ He is like a tree
   planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
   and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
⁴ The wicked are not so,
   but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

 ⁵ Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
   nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
⁶ for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
   but the way of the wicked will perish. (Psalm 1)

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